Sugar and Tea
by snuggles-n-hugs
Summary: NaruFruit basket cross..... Two girls get transported into the Naruto world but not for long. They then get transported into the Fruits Basket world. plz R & R
1. Chapter 1

Our STORY

disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Fruits Basket, though I do own Sapphire and Kahlan.

Karaoke: I don't own it either but I do own my tea and sugar!

Snuggles-n-hugs: sweatdrop

Karaoke: muahahahaha

Snuggles-n-hugs: uhhh sure now on with the story!

Karaoke: nooooo I want the last line!

Snuggles-n-hugs: BITE ME!

Two girls named Sapphire and Kahlan were sitting in front of the computer in a frenzied, sugar-high state at 3:00 in the morning,

watching Naruto. Suddenly they were sucked into the computer.

"What the hell?" Asked Sapphire brilliantly.

"I want more tea." Demanded Kahlan grouchily.

Suddenly they heard a rustling in the bushes. Kahlan's ears perked up. "Maybe they have tea! And sugar!" She ran towards the bushes.

"No! Don't! It might be a wild animal!" Squawked Sapphire.

"Excuse me?" Sakura's head popped up from the bushes. Kahlan and Sapphire yelped in surprise.

"You're right! It's hideous!" Screeched Kahlan, shuddering.

Naruto leapt out of the bushes (why on earth were they in there anyway?) and did the trademark little ninja-flip thingy, landing in front

of the two startled girls. "Don't say that kind of stuff about my Sakura-chan!"

"We were just stating the obvious," Sapphire defended herself.

"Take it back!" Yelled Naruto.

"Never!"

Suddenly Kahlan lapsed into a severe sugar-withdrawal seizure. She lay on the ground twitching and yelling violently, "I NEED

SUGAR!" She burst into tears and pounded the ground with her fists.

Kakashi emerged from the bushes too (I REALLY am wondering what the heck team 7 does these days), for once without his porno

magazine! "She is in a bad state, she needs sugar immediately if we wish to save her!" He paused. "Do we?"

"Umm, well, I guess, but you owe me for this, Kahlan." Sapphire said.

"Alright, then." He tossed a few peppermints from his pocket to Kahlan, who jumped for them like her life depended on it (which it

did!).

"That's no fair!" Sapphire whined.

"You know what else isn't fair? I haven't said or done anything yet!" Yelled Sasuke, coming out of the bushes (as I have said before,

I will not even ask...). Sakura looked over at Sasuke with heart-shaped eyes.

"Oh Sasuke-kun! I'll give you my next line if you want!"

"That made no sense." He told her.

"oh, yeah..."

"A-HEM, can we get back to ME now?" Demanded Sapphire, "I believe this is MY story!"

"What!" Said Kahlan, now fully recovered from her seizure, "It's MY story!"

"Never!"

"That is now," Naruto said thoughtfully, "the second time you have said that."

Everybody looked at Naruto in amazement.

"He can count?" Kahlan asked in awe.

"Damn straight! 1, 3, 6, 5, 10!" Naruto yelled. "Geez, no one believes in me." He looked at Kakashi. "Except Kakashi sensei!" He

got all misty eyed. Kakashi edged away.

"Wait a minute," said Kahlan suddenly, "we got sucked into Naruto!"

"Brilliant, Sherlock," said Sapphire, as Naruto exclaimed, "What?"

"I mean the show, not you."

"Oh, okay," he said, looking slightly relieved.

"Anyways, now I have the chance to say what I've always wanted to say!" Exclaimed Kahlan. "SASUKE! I LOVE YOU!"

"What?" Yelled Sakura and Sasuke at the same time.

"Uh, did I say that? I meant to say, uh..." she dropped to the ground again. "SUGARRRR!"

Sighing, Kakashi gave her a few more peppermints. Sapphire watched with the little red anger mark on her forehead. "That's the

second damn time SHE has gotten candy and I haven't!" She screamed.

"Fine! Here!" Said Sasuke out of the blue, fishing a chocolate bar out of his pocket. He glared at her. "I was saving it,but since

you're so desperate..." He wiped away a tear.

So did Sapphire. "T-that's so beautiful!"

"Well yeah, I am trying to reform, y'know..." He looked away modestly.

"No, I mean the chocolate bar! Now hand it over!"

Sasuke gave her the chocolate. Just as she was in the process of unwrapping it (and waving it in front of a very jealous Kahlan's

face singing, "I got chocolate from Saaaasuke and you didn'tttttt!") when Sakura leapt forward in the cheesy slow motion thing with

the "nooooooooooo!".

Sapphire stepped casually to the side. Sakura went sprawling. Sapphire patted the chocolate bar and whispered soothingly, "it's

okay, the scary lady's gone now..."

Everybody anime sweat-dropped.

"So now what?" Asked Naruto.

Everybody (except Sakura, who was unconscious, and Sasuke, who was crying) munched on candy and looked at him as if he

were a mildly interesting television program. He looked around nervously. "Uh, can I have some?" He asked his teacher, reaching out.

"Back off, you snivelly worm." Kakashi slapped his hand away.

"You're supposed to be my teacher!" Naruto bawled.

Slowly Kahlan walked over and patted his back. "It's okay." She comforted, He sniffled and looked up. "Can I have some of yours?"

"I'm sorry, but no. This is for your health."

"We are only doing this to help you." Sapphire added. Everybody nodded.

"Really?" Naruto said.

"Yes!" Kakashi, Sapphire, and Kahlan lied, all sweat-dropping again. Naruto, being incredibly dim, didn't notice.

Sakura woke up. "Whaa-?" She sat up, rubbing her eyes. They settled on Sapphire. "Oh, yes, I remember." An evil glint shone in

her green eyes.

She lunged for Sapphire's throat, who, once again, stepped aside. Sakura went sailing into the stream.

"I don't remember a stream being there." Sasuke said, drying his eyes.

"Well, at least she's gone for now." Everybody nodded.

Suddenly a thought occured to Kahlan, "Hey, aren't you guys supposed to be japanese animations?"

"Uh, yaaaaa..." Sakura, Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi said at the same time. Kahlan looked at them suspiciously.

"I dunno," she said, stroking her chin and looking at them with narrowed eyes, "you look pretty white to me!"

Sapphire, who apparently hadn't been listening to any of this, suddenly broke out in song. "Pretty fly for a white guy!" She rapped.

"Are you mocking us?" Yelled Naruto.

"You retard, of course not!" Said Sapphire.

"Really?" They seemed surprised.

"Uh, sure. Whatever floats your boat." Said Sapphire nervously.

"Why, thank you!" Sasuke, who had finally calmed down, burst into tears again.

"You know, Sasuke seems pretty out of character here." Whispered Kahlan to Sapphire.

"Are you sure this is the Naruto world?" Asked Sapphire. As soon as she finished this sentence, the world tipped and swirled,

the colours all blending into each other.

"No, I was just getting used to them!" Yelled Naruto.

"Noooo! I love you too, what's your name!" Yelled Sasuke, as he disappeared in a swirl of blue and black.

Kahlan lunged forward to hug him, but as she did, the world reformed into the fruits basket world, and she ended up with her arms

around Yuki (who, incidentally, she hated). He looked at her in surprise, before turning into a little rat.

"Oh crap." She groaned.

Kyou looked jealously at the little white rodent. "Why does HE always get all the attention?"

Kahlan looked wildly around and saw Kyou. "Oh, I'm sorry, Kyou!" She yelled, lunging for him. "I love cats!" She hugged him, and he

turned into an orange cat, gazing at her reproachfully. She patted him and he started to purr.

Sapphire hicupped. Everyone looked at her. She let out a piercing shriek and toppled to the ground thrashing wildly and screaming

for sugar. This reminded Kahlan; SHE wanted sugar too!

"Give us sugar." She growled at Shigure, who had been standing there awkwardly the whole time. "Or else, I will burn your new book."

She looked pointedly towards a big pile of paper lying on the table next to them.

"No!" Shigure grabbed a sugar dish and handed it to Sapphire, who emptied the entire thing into her mouth in one gulp.

"Hey! You were supposed to share that!" Yelled Shigure.

Sapphire grinned as best as she could with huge, puffed out cheeks like a chipmunk. Kahlan stared at the empty tin in horror. Slowly

she looked from the tin to Sapphire, back to the tin, and back at Sapphire, trying to digest the info. Sapphire swallowed, choking

slightly. "Why, you little..." Kahlan hissed, her face going red.

With a puff of smoke (luckily), Yuki and Kyou turned back to humans. "AAAACCKKKKKK!" Screeched Sapphire and Kahlan.

"It's YOUR fault!" They yelled, glaring at Kahlan, who didn't notice, as her back was turned.

When they had gotten their clothes back on, Kahlan said slowly, "did you know..." she turned to Yuki. "You sound AND look like a

girl!"

There was a gasp. Yuki's face turned red. "It's not my fault!" He wailed.

There was a knock at the door, and in walked...

snuggles-n-hugs: Who walked in hmmmmmm? do you know? Anyways R & R plz!


	2. Chapter 2

disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Fruits Basket

snuggles-n-hugs: Now on with the story

There was a knock at the door, and in walked Hatsuharu and Ayame. Kahlan gaped. "I took a quiz once, and it said I was like Ayame"  
Nobody was listening. In fact they were talking about something completely different. Kahlan wept silently.  
Ayame turned to Shigure. "How come you never told me you had guests"  
"They were unexpected"  
"They better not have replaced me!" He said in horror.  
"No! Of course not! You're the only man for me!" Shigure claimed.  
(Sapphire thought this didn't say much, as she and Kahlan weren't men, but she said nothing)  
Haru asked, "Are you guys gay, or what? I really wanna know"  
Shigure rubbed his chin. "Hmmm," he contemplated.  
"Now that you mention it..." Said Ayame. Everyone sweat-dropped. Kyo looked disgusted.  
"Why don't you two ever go to Aya's house? You always have to come here"  
Tohru came in, grovelling and snivelling, holding a mop and bucket. "Does anyone want anything? Can I clean up? Can I do somebody's laundry? Can I help? I don't want to be lazy! I don't want to be a burden! I'm sorry!" She burst into tears.  
"She was always hypersensitive, but she's getting worse." Yuki whispered to Sapphire.  
Sapphire whispered back, "I thought you were her friend"  
"That's right." He looked around to make sure no one was listening. "I was"  
"You're so mean"  
"I miss my sugar..." Kahlan snivelled. "Fatso here ate it all before I could get any." She pointed at Sapphire, who still had crumbs of sugar all over her front.  
"I'M NOT FAT! Tell her I'm not fat!" She said, looking at Ayame.  
"Oh no, you're not fat!" He said, flapping his hand girlishly. "You're perfect the way you are! Even if it is a little chubby." He added.  
"You BASTARD!" Yelled Sapphire. Kahlan grabbed her to stop her from attacking. "I was just kidding, anyway"  
Tohru looked horrified. "Stop fighting! Where is the love"  
"You're right." Kahlan said. "I love you all!" She looked at Yuki with narrowed eyes. "Except for you. You just get on my nerves"  
Sapphire jumped in front of Kahlan. "Why do you have to be so mean"  
"He picks on Kyo for no reason"  
"That's a lie and you know it"  
"Not even"  
"Don't fight over me!" Kyou yelled, jumping up and running through the door. They distinctly heard a girl yelling, "KYO-KUUUUUUN"  
and Kyo screaming girlishly. He ran back through the door. "Hide me!" Kahlan ran forward and hugged him.  
"That's not what I had in mind..." Kyo the cat glared at her. Kahlan shrugged.  
Kagura ran into the room. "Where'd he go? Where'd my Kyo-kun go?" She looked at the cat, whose eyes went all wide.  
"Er...meow"  
Kagura glared at him. "You aren't allowed to hug ANYONE but me"  
"I didn't hug her! She hugged me"  
Kagura turned slowly to Kahlan, who tried to look innocent. Kahlan pointed at Sapphire. "She did it"  
Kagura looked ready to attack. Sapphire smiled. "Bring it on"  
Meanwhile Kyo edged out of the room.  
Kagura rolled up her shirt sleeves. Tohru wailed. "Noooooo! Don't fight!" She jumped in between them.  
"You know," Kahlan said, "I haven't talked to any of my favourite characters except Kyo yet"  
"Quit being a drama queen." Accused Sapphire.  
"I'm not! I haven't talked to you- or you - or you!" She pointed in quick succession to Ayame, Haru, and Shigure.  
"You talked to me. You demanded sugar." Said Shigure. "Shut up. That doesn't count"  
"What does count?" Asked Sapphire.  
Kahlan looked thoughtful. Which was rather scary. Suddenly she turned to Haru. "So, how's life going"  
"Oh no! An intellectual conversation!" Everyone yelled, covering their ears.  
"I want you to go black Haru. It's funnier." Said Kahlan. "I'll fight you if you do!" Added Sapphire with a determined look.  
"NOOOO!" Yelled Tohru.  
"Is that all you can say?" Asked Kahlan curiously.  
"NOOOO!" Tohru said. Kahlan wasn't sure if she was disagreeing, or just proving her point.  
Haru rubbed his chin. "Very tempting." An evil look glinted in his grey eyes.  
"Come on! Are you chicken?" Sapphire teased.  
Haru scowled. Kahlan backed up. She had been joking about the black Haru thing. Tohru looked like she was going to cry again. Kahlan laughed silently.  
Haru and Sapphire looked ready to fight. As one of them was Kahlan's friend, and one was her favourite Fruits basket character (well, one of them), she didn't want them to start brawling.  
She whispered, "Gotta keep 'em separated!" She started to sing "Come out and Play". Everyone looked at her like she'd grown three ears. She felt the top of her head to make sure she hadn't.  
"What"  
"You...you..." Haru stuttered.  
"Yes?" She asked, ready for a compliment.  
"You can't sing"  
"HMPH!" She huffed, turning her back on him. He seemed to have turned white again, but she was definitely scratching him off of her "fav characters" list.  
"So I take it you're backing out?" Said Sapphire smugly.  
"Never!" He turned black again.  
"Crap." Groaned Kahlan. She thought for a minute. "They really have no reason"  
Hatsuharu pounced, but Sapphire neatly sidestepped. He went crashing through the wall.  
"Yes! Now I can fix something!" Said Tohru gleefully.  
"Do they ever learn?" Asked Sapphire. "So obvious," she said casually.  
Suddenly Haru grabbed her in a headlock from behind, which she easily got out of. She soon had him pinned face-first on the floor with an arm twisted behind his back.  
"You know, he wasn't that wimpy in the show..." Said Kahlan.  
"I wonder if I can beat Yuki!" Yelled Sapphire, getting up and releasing her victim. "Do you take the challenge?" She asked solemnly.  
"Uhh"  
"Tsk, tsk. Such chickens here"  
"Go Sapphire!" Cheered Kahlan, who (as is mentioned before) despised Yuki.  
Ayame cheered, "You can do it, Yuki"  
"I don't want to fight a girl!" Protested Yuki.  
"Are you afraid to lose?" Taunted Sapphire. Kahlan had grabbed a pair of pom poms and was dancing around.  
"But you're a girl." He pointed out. Kahlan stared at her intently.  
"Whoa, he's right. I never woulda noticed"  
"You wanna go too?" Yelled Sapphire.  
Kahlan looked around nervously. "Uh... as I was saying! Go Sapphire!" She waved her pom poms a bit more. One of them lost half its feathers. She stared in surprise, "uhh, I think the moths were in here"  
"Anyways..." Sapphire sighed, rolling her eyes. "Chivalrous bastards"  
There was a silence in which all that could be heard was Tohru weeping about the violence in the corner. "Whatever. I could kick your ass in a second." She said, walking out the door. Kahlan followed like a pet poodle, doing one last little cheer as she went.  
Shigure yelled from behind, "Wait! I didn't get those high-school girls' numbers"  
"AHHHHHHHH!" Screeched Sapphire and Kahlan, running away. "You damn pervert"  
Suddenly they bumped into Sasuke. Kahlan shrieked in glee, but he just yelled, "Watch where you're going"  
"But..but, don't you remember us?" Asked Kahlan, confused. He looked at her like she'd grown three ears again. She was starting to feel a bit nervous about her ears now.  
Sapphire and Kahlan turned around, but the Sohma house was no longer behind them. They were back in the same place in the Naruto world as before.

snuggles-n-hugs:dun dun dun... i wonder what'll happen next stay tooned to SUGAR AND TEA! 


	3. authors note

Disclaimer: i do not own naruto and blah blah blah

ok this is just me babbling on bout stupid stuff...if you like this story can i at least get some more reviews? plz...if not i wont continue

and thats that k? i dont wanna be mean i just feel really sad cus no one bothers to review...i have like 3 more chapters made..i just

want more reviews thats all...i kno i'm bein greedy but oh well and well yea bye


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: WE GOT MORE SUGARRRRRR! (So the story is back, and being written at two in the morning!)

Sapphire (taps Kahlan on shoulder): That's not a disclaimer.

Kahlan: Dammit Sapphire you're not supposed to tell!

Sapphire(budges in front of Kahlan. She can be seen jumping up and down behind Sapphire, trying to be seen): DISCLAIMER:

We don't own any of these characters. Except for us.

Kahlan: This time I get the last word!

Sapphire (after adding approximately thirteen teaspoonfuls of sugar to half a cup of tea): NYEEHEEHEEHEEHEEE! SQUEE!

(jumps around)

Kahlan: I want a sip! (takes a gulp) (staggers around room) (shakes head) (starts giggling): I want more!

Sapphire: No! ALL MINE! (runs off)

Kahlan: Well, we should probably start the chapter now...

(Kahlan and Sapphire suddenly can't think. They may be in a sugar induced half coma.)

(shake out of it. On with the chapter!)

"Watch where you're going!" Sasuke yelled.

"Gasp!" said Kahlan. (Technically, she did not _say _gasp, she just gasped. Because saying "Gasp!" is just plain odd.)

"He doesn't remember us," Sapphire whispered loudly.

"This sucks," Kahlan whispered back. "My love has forgotten me!" She struck a dramatic pose.

"What?" Sasuke's eye twitched.

Sakura, who had been spying on Sasuke from the bushes, popped up like a deranged rabbit. "He's not your love! He's mine!"

"Oh my, what a fanclub!" said Sapphire. She looked at Sasuke. "You're screwed."

"Well... are you still wildly out of character this time?" Kahlan wanted to know. "Like crying if you give someone a chocolate

bar?" she snickered.

"I WANT MORE CHOCOLATE!" Sapphire screamed.

"Uh... Kakashi-sensei... I think we need some help..." Sakura called.

"Kakashi can't help you now!" cackled Sapphire maniacally, leering evilly towards the two stunned shinobi.

"Muahahaha!" joined in Kahlan, laughing like a psycho.

"As you are both too astonished to speak, I will strike up conversation," Sapphire suggested cheerily. "So tell me, Sasuke...

how do you get your hair to share such an amazing resemblance of a chicken?"

Kahlan pretended to have a microphone and held it under Sapphire's nose. "This is Live TV," she whispered towards

empty space.

Sapphire paused for a second to look at Kahlan's fist under her nose in confusion.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Sasuke.

"The people watching this on TV, moron. Anyways... keep on with the interview!" she told Sapphire.

"Right! So... how much hair gel do you use? Cuz mine doesn't work! Would you recommend a certain product? Cuz...

sometimes they have these weird concoctions that make my hair all wonky and greasy, which is just not me."

"Yeah it is, ya grease monkey," said Kahlan. When they looked at her, she tried to look innocent and whistled a catchy

tune.

"Anyways... or maybe your hair is just easy to work with. Is it? Is it like, soft?" Sapphire gasped, getting excited. "Is it all

silky smooth? Like on the ads where you can friggin comb it out of a french braid with no tangles? Can I touch it?" She was positively

jumping up and down now.

"No, you can't!" growled Sakura. Sapphire ignored her and slowly inched towards Sasuke, a hand outstretched. He edged

away, and suddenly whipped out a kunai.

"One more step and you're dead!" he warned. Sapphire took one more step, just to defy him, but then stopped.

"Geez, violent much!" Kahlan cried. "That does it, Mr. Uchiha! The marriage is off! You would just be an abusive husband!"

"...Marriage?" everyone asked, looking at Kahlan blankly. She didn't notice, as she was suddenly looking at her hand.

"Hey, I still have a pompom!"

Sapphire took advantage of the distraction and lunged for Sasuke, knocking the kunai from his hand before her hand

connected with his head.

"Ooh, soft..." she murmured, before suddenly laughing."Hahahahaa! I touched your hair, I touched your hair," she chanted,

sticking her tongue out at Sasuke. She suddenly stopped, noticing he was lying on the ground, not moving.

"Uh... I think you more like concussed him than just touched his hair..." Kahlan said, while Sakura looked at Sasuke with

her jaw dropping to the ground.

"Ehe... my bad..." Sapphire scratched her head nervously. Sakura finally snapped out of her daze and leapt for the two girls,

bent on revenge for harming her beloved Sasuke. A second before she could throttle them and eat their brains (or whatever the hell

she was planning ya never can tell with these freaky kids...), the world dissolved in a swirl of colours, sound, and smoke.

"Where'd the smoke come from?" Kahlan pondered, before realising something. "My pompom's gone!" she wailed.

"Hey, hey, look where we are!" yelled Sapphire ecstatically. Kahlan looked around her in bewilderment and saw...

Well, first of all, she saw a big green tennis field, where apparently a bunch of kids were trying to kill each other with the ball.

"Hey, lookit the kitty!" beamed Sapphire, looking in an entirely different direction at a short boy holding a cat. "Let's go pet

it!" She ran off towards the boy and his cat. Meanwhile Kahlan sprinted onto the tennis court, amidst the psychotic players.

"Hi, can I -" she started, before a bunch of people yelled, "WATCH OUT!" or "MOVE!" a split second before something

connected with her head very forcefully and she flew quite a long distance sideways before sprawling onto the ground.

When she woke up, she saw a bunch of faces looking down at her. "She's awake!" someone yelled.

"Are you okay?" a boy with wicked red hair asked.

"I..." she whispered, feebly lifting a hand. Her eyelids flickered. Violins could be heard in the background.

"What, what is it?" They asked in concern.

"I... ... WANT MORE SUGAR!" she screamed, leaping to her feet. "Get me sugar, and get it fast!" she demanded. As the

boy with red hair blinked at her, and someone went off (to get sugar, she hoped), Kahlan looked around. Where was Sapphire?

Meanwhile...

"I LOVE YOUR KITTY!" Sapphire screamed in the boy's ear. He jumped about ten feet and turned around, rubbing his ear.

In the other arm he cradled the cat, who looked pissed off.

"Go... away." He told her.

"But... why do you have to be so cruel?" she pleaded, giving him puppy eyes (thinking evilly, "no one can resist them!")

Ryoma (as you might have guessed) closed his eyes, sweating and thinking, "must...resist!"

When he opened his eyes, his cat was in Sapphire's arms, looking happy as ever. "I got your cat," she stated. "What are

you gonna do about it?" she challenged.

"Please? Can I have my kitty back?" he pleaded.

"No," she stated plainly, walking off to find Kahlan challenging all the pros to a tennis match. She walked up to Kahlan and

whispered, "you do realise you've never played before, right?"

"What? I play volleyball all the time!" Kahlan said. "Silly!" She turned to face her opponent (Eiji) across the net a second before he

served and the ball smacked her in the face. "He cheated!" she wailed. "He used a bat!"

"This is tennis," Sapphire stated.

"What's tennis?" she asked blankly. Everybody fell over anime-style.

"Well, who am I gonna play now?" asked Eiji impatiently.

Sapphire rolled her eyes. "I'll play," she said. "Hold the kitty," she ordered Kahlan, dumping the cat into Kahlan's arms and

turning around. There was a big crash behind her. She turned again to see Kahlan on the ground, trying to get up.

"This cat's heavy!" she complained loudly.

"No... you're just weak!" Sapphire told her.

Suddenly Ryoma ran up. "I'll take my cat now," he said, snatching the abused animal from Kahlan, who gasped for breath.

Sapphire ran after him. "No, the kitty!"

"Nya! What about my match?" called Eiji. Sapphire popped back with a "poof"!

"Let's get this party started!" Kahlan yelled out of the blue, holding her imaginary microphone again.

Sapphire popped up behind her and started singing, "Get this party started on a Saturday night, everybody's waitin for me

to arrive!"

"No, they're waiting for _me _to arrive!" Kahlan insisted.

"In your dreams!"

"A-hem..."

"Oh, yes! The match!" said Sapphire. She took a stance in the middle of the court before realising something was wrong. "I

don't have a racket," she said.


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own nuttin.

Khalan: I do!

Sapphire: Oh yeah? What do you own?

Khalan: Love and a soul. (nods seriously)

Sapphire: Oh how poetic. Too bad it was lame.

(Khalan weeps silently. TT)

XXXxxxXXX

Sapphire ran after him. "No, the kitty!"

"Nya! What about my match?" called Eiji. Sapphire popped back with a "poof"!

"Let's get this party started!" Kahlan yelled out of the blue, holding her imaginary microphone again.

Sapphire popped up behind her and started singing, "Get this party started on a Saturday night, everybody's waitin for me

to arrive!"

"No, they're waiting for _me _to arrive!" Kahlan insisted.

"In your dreams!"

"A-hem..."

"Oh, yes! The match!" said Sapphire. She took a stance in the middle of the court before realising something was wrong. "I

don't have a racket," she said.

XXXxxxXXX

A few minutes later, some helpful kid had fetched Sapphire an old rotting racket to play with. Though it had huge patches of missing strings she was sure it would do

just fine. "Okay... let's get this started!" she said, grinning competitively at Eiji. "Rally first serve?"

"Oh you can go first," he said chivalrously. "Since you're a girl."

Sapphire's eye twitched. "Oh we'll see about this you cocky bastard," she muttered. She tossed the ball up into the air, raised her arm to serve it forehand, and...

"GO SAPPHIREEEEE!" Khalan wailed from the sidelines, punching a fist randomly and concussing the person next to her (she didn't notice.)

The ball came down and bounced off Sapphire's head with a "Donnggg" sound. She went slightly cross-eyed and stood in shock.

Eiji stared.

"(cough) Uh, lemme try that again," Sapphire said nervously. "No interruptions this time," she added, glaring at Khalan.

"What?" Khalan asked, confused. Beside her, the person she'd socked slowly rose to his feet. He turned to be quite tall and scary looking. Khalan sweatdropped.

"Ehe... hey?" she said nervously. "How ya doin?"

"Sss... You just punched me," said Kaidoh.

Khalan opened her mouth to deny it, then paused. "...Did you just _hiss?" _she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kaidoh shuffled his feet. "Uh..." _I thought people always found it cool... _he thought nervously.

Meanwhile, Sapphire took the advantage of Khalan being distracted to make her serve. Eiji hit it back easily, thinking to go easy on her because she didn't seem too great. "Yes, easy serve!" Sapphire yelled, running forward, bringing her arm back. "POWER HIT!" she screamed, swinging the racket forward forcefully. Instead of the "THWACK!" she was anticipating, there was a soft, wimpy "swwsh." She looked behind her and saw that the ball had flown through one of the gaping holes in her crap racket and was lying harmlessly on the ground. "The hell?" she said incredulously. Eiji snickered. "That's NOT FAIR!" she yelled.

Meanwhile, Khalan was talking earnestly with Kaidoh about identity crises. "It's okay to think you're a snake," she said in the soothing tone of voice used with mental patients. "I mean, Sapphire went through this phase... thought she was a potato peeler..."

"What!"

"Did I say that out loud?"

"I heard that!" Sapphire yelled from the court. "And it wasn't a potato peeler, it was a clothes hanger!"

"Passing over the clothes hangers..." said Eiji with a sweatdrop. "Do you think we could continue our game?"

"Okay!" Sapphire ran over and picked up the ball. "Fifty-nothin!" she announced, tossing the ball up and hitting it over the net.

"What?" asked Eiji, catching the ball.

"FOUL!" Sapphire screamed.

"But..."

"Sixty-nuttin!"

"Do you even know how the scoring system works?" Eiji put his hands on his hips.

"Don't take that attitude with me, mister! And no talking on court!" Sapphire fumnbled around for a whistle, realised she didn't have one, and tried to whistle with her two fingers. She made a feeble sort of "pthhht" sound and saliva drooled down on her wrist.

"That's disgusting!" Khalan yelled.

"Well you're no Prom Queen either!"

"Oh yeah? Where'd I get the scepter?" Khalan whipped out a scepter from God-knows-where and flourished it with a triumphant grin.

"Where _did _you get the scepter?"

"Uh..."

"I WANNA SCEPTER!"

Eiji, getting bored with this, hit the ball over the net to Sapphire. "Back to the ga-" he started as warning, but the ball had already hit Sapphire in the side of the head. She toppled over.

"Oops," remarked Eiji.

"Yay, you killed her. NOW how the hell am I supposed to get home?" Khalan yelled, glaring at him.

"Walk?" he suggested.

"Cuz you can just walk to Canada across the ocean," she said sarcastically.

"Canada? What's a Canada?"

"I rest my case."

"So... what are we gonna do with her?" asked Ryoma, who had up til now been standing quietly stroking his cat like Dr. Evil. He nudged Sapphire with his toe.

"Fuck off!" she snarled, smacking his foot away and curling into a ball. "I don't wanna wake up! Mommy go away! ...Assume the fetal postition... nothing can hurt you...:" she muttered, rocking back and forth.

"Mommy?" Ryoma repeated.

"Sapphire looked up tentatively. Her brow furrowed. "Mommy doesn't have hairy legs does she?" she asked, reaching up and poking his leg. "Ooh fuzzy," she said.

Ryoma backed away quickly. When he thought no one was watching, he looked down. "They're not _that _bad..." he muttered in a whiney voice.

"Well, back to the game!" Sapphire announced, grabbing the ball and leaping back up. "Seven-hundred-love!" she yelled. "Mommy, stay back!" she warned. "Things could get messy," she added in a low voice. She drew her arm back to serve, then looked over her shoulder and added. "And wax those legs. Not very ladylike." She dropped the ball and attempted toserve. The ball hit the racket and the head fell off. Both toppled to the ground. Sapphire stared.

"Dammit Khalan gimme your scepter!" She yelled, snatching it from Khalan's hands. "Hold this." She thrust the ball into her hands. "Now... when I say ready, you pitch!" She stepped back and wound up. "Now!"

Khalan didn't move.

"I said now, ya bimbo!"

"I thought you said 'ready'."

Sapphire sighed. "Okay. Ready!"

Khalan pitched the ball as hard as she could towards Eiji. It hit him squarely on the head.

"Wtf?" screamed Eiji. A red mark could be seen on his forhead.

Sapphire stared at Khalan. "I meant to me, you idiot." she said dead-panned.

"Oh, heh heh..." Khalan said with a sweatdrop. "Sorry bout that..."

"Can we _please_ get back to the game?"

"Sure, whatever."

"Finally!"

Well that's all at the moment! Review pweazze or no more story! (holds a lighter up to paper)


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